Shadow

There’s a shadow of a girl
Somewhere beyond heart’s reach.
Enough distance for only a glimpse,
But close enough to remember.

Her cerulean eyes stare through me
From the mirror, from behind closed lids,
Questioning, demanding, longing to know,
Why I dismissed, or sent her away.

She was a dreamer, a romantic,
Winding, whirling, without ever worrying
About where her wishes should, or would
Stop. And when reality would kick in.    

Fearless, she’d take center stage,
Before eyeing the field, the circle.
Jumping in, no hold on the reins,
Sailing beyond all obstacles.

Laughter, the soundtrack of her time,
The tempo echoing around her mind.
Careless, carefree, always smiling,
Inner strength driving her on.

Then seasons changed, her dreams failed.
Still she tried to continue, but
When wind rips through, over and over,
The desire to rebuild eventually fades.

The cycle of pain, of disappointment,
Became too much to handle, to take.
So she left, or I kicked her out,
Does the difference really matter?

There was no trace of her left behind,
A dark void, loneliness, came instead.
For the better, for the future, to move on,
To face reality, realness, in her place.

But still, she haunts me, teases,
A reminder of what life was like.
Her laughter, her lack of fear, her dreams,
Has me asking for her presence, her traits.

So I stare back, matching her gaze,
Closing my fingers around her ideas.
She doesn’t allow hesitation, uncertainty,
But sends me forward to who I used to be.

But the damage done speaks up too,
Drowning the sound of her spirit,
Questions form, spiraling up,
Is she worth the work, the battle?

Then her dreams, her wishes, her lack of fear,
Sing a different melody in a familiar key.
The rubble shifts, no longer a mess,
Overcoming the sequence of setbacks and stings.

So, I fight the wind, rebuilding each piece,
With my laughter’s sound a shock to my ears.
Discovering, maybe there’s more of her left,
Than I ever gave myself credit for.