The Shepherd, The Lamb

The sheep are bleating, crying
For help, longing for a place,
Where they can feel safe, where they
Know they are loved and belong.

They’ve wandered in darkness,
Misguided by the world,
Trying to fight off the predators,
But they can’t win the battle alone.

The Shepherd comes down,
To protect and to guide them,
Fighting off their enemies,
And shouldering their burdens.

He cares for every need,
Carrying the weak and wounded,
Leading them to quiet pastures,
Guarding their hearts from hurt.

He’s attentive, checking each one,
Showing them love and kindness,
Making sure no bone is broken,
Making sure no fear remains.

He knows what has to be done,
To bring the scattered sheep home,
He loves them enough to save their lives,
Even if it means giving up His own.

The Shepherd became the Lamb,
The Perfect One for sacrifice,
Silently, He suffered. Nails and thorns,
And sin, piercing, and weighing Him down.

But death on the cross could not hold Him,
The Lamb rose from the grave,
Defeating the darkness and the enemy,
Paying our debt, setting us free.

The Lamb now sits on the throne,
Shepherding the sheep, binging them in,
Until the day He comes back,
And wipes every tear from our eyes.

Caroline’s Purpose: Rain Excerpt

“Leaving the stall, Connor and Caroline pushed the hay bale to the side so they could shut the door. They walked to the house, their arms brushing as they went, and climbed up the steps to the porch. Connor stopped and turned back, looking out toward the barns. The paths were lit with lanterns, causing the stones to glisten from the rain.
“What’s wrong?” Caroline followed his gaze, trying to see or hear whatever had stopped him.
“Nothing is wrong. I do this every night. Look out over everything and remember how blessed I am to live this life. This, right here, is my favorite view.”
Caroline looked out again, this time not looking for something wrong, but appreciating it for what it was. “It is beautiful.”
“Caroline, is it okay if I pray?”
She studied him and saw the sadness still clinging to his eyes. If praying was what he needed to do, she wouldn’t get in his way. “Sure.”
Connor took her hand before he closed his eyes and began. “Lord, thank you for this day and for keeping us safe. Thank you that Caroline was here to calm Edison down, and thank you for her friendship. I haven’t been able to talk about Emily in a long time, and I needed to. Please help us remember You have a purpose for us, even through all of the pain and loss that we can’t understand. In Your name I pray, Amen.”
Connor opened his eyes and looked at her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. For what it’s worth, I’m glad I was here tonight.”
Connor smiled as he let her in the front door of the house. All of the lights were off, except for one in the kitchen, and one over the stairs. “My mom left you some clothes on the bed in the guest room,” Connor told her as they headed up. “If you need anything else, I’m right across the hall.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Goodnight, Caroline.”
“Goodnight, Connor.”
Inside the guest room, Caroline fingered the clothes on the bed, then padded across the carpet to the window. The room was right above the porch, so she had the same view Connor had just told her was his favorite.
She stood there, staring out of the damp glass, replaying everything he had told her. He was right, he did understand why she didn’t believe anymore. He understood more about her than she had ever thought someone could. Maybe one day she would be able to tell him the truth, tell him her own story.
And maybe one day, he’d be able to help her believe again.”

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Caroline’s Purpose: Believing in God Excerpt

“Connor watched as Caroline ran her fingers through Edison’s forelock. He could see her mouth moving but couldn’t hear anything she was saying. He leaned into the stall door, in awe as the stallion was already as calm as he had been with her the other day. She did have a gift. A gift that she had given up on because of fear. A gift he wanted to help her rediscover.
‘God, help me here. Give me the right words to talk to her.’ he thought to himself.
“Caroline, can I…?” Connor stopped, and cleared his throat.
Caroline looked over her shoulder at him. “Can you ask me something?” She grinned as she teased him.
“Well… yeah. Sorry. Old habits are hard to break.”
She laughed. “No worries. Do you want to come in here? Maybe hand me his grain bucket, see if he’ll eat?”
Connor nodded as he came into the stall. He grabbed the bucket and stepped over to Caroline and Edison. The stallion perked his ears, looking at the bucket with interest.
Caroline took it from Connor and cradled it in her arms. “Hungry, big guy? You can eat.”
Edison put his head down and began chewing on his dinner. Caroline looked up at Connor, her eyes the happiest he had ever seen. “So, what did you want to ask me?”
Connor reached over and patted Edison on the neck. “Remember when we had lunch in the union? You told me you used to believe in God, but you didn’t want to explain it then. Do you think you could now?”
Caroline looked away from him, her eyes falling to Edison’s ears. Connor watched her blink as she bit her lip. He took a step closer to her.
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to.” Connor put his hand on her arm.
She looked up at him again as she felt his touch. “No, it’s okay. It’s pretty simple.”
“Simple?”
“Yeah.” Caroline shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve had to deal with too much pain and loss to keep believing He cares about me or my future.”
“I can understand that. Completely.” Connor swallowed.
“You can?” Caroline wrinkled her forehead as she looked at him.
“Yeah, I can.” He had asked God to give him the right words to say to her so many times over the last few months. And now, he knew what he had to do. He had to tell Caroline about Emily.”

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Your Plan

I loosen my grip,
Lift up my hands,
Let everything slide
Away.

I move each finger,
Maintain my composure,
Make myself take a
Breath.

I stare at my reflection,
Sigh so I can think,
See the pain mixed with
Hope.

I blink back the tears,
Break away from the mirror,
Bring myself to face the
Truth.

My grip will never be,
Tight enough, to hold on,
To anything that isn’t
Your plan.

And even in the moment,
When it hurts, as I question,
I know it’s for the best,
Because

You don’t make mistakes.

Instead of Me

You saw who I was
And died for me anyways
Love was not blind.
But all knowing.

Which makes the gift,
Even harder to understand.

You knew my flaws,
My inner heart, my thoughts,
And still, gave Your life
For mine.

You Who were perfect,
Who never made a mistake,

Silently let them nail You
to a cross, a crown of thorns,
pressed into your brow,
with blood dripping down,

The white and blameless lamb,
Stained crimson red, tarnished,

instead of

me.

Caroline’s Purpose: Pain Excerpt

“A quick glimpse around the batting cages and the dugout showed her she was alone, the first to arrive for practice. The back gate squeaked as she pushed it open and entered the bullpen, the place where she had spent so many hours working on spins and velocity. She shuffled over to the off-white pitching rubber and stared down to home plate. She ran her thumb over the third finger on her right hand and pretended her callous was still there, molded from the seam of the ball burning her skin as it spun away toward the batter.
A blue crate of softballs sat to her left. Caroline turned toward it, thinking about the weight of the ball in her hand. She reached out, feeling the seams with just the tips of her fingers. It was the first time she had touched one since her last game, and it still felt like home.
Without giving it a second thought, she picked up the ball, dropped her backpack to the red clay dirt, and went back to the pitching rubber. She lined up her feet, placing each one with more purpose and exactness than she ever had before. She rolled the ball around in her hand, thinking about the possibility, the chance, that the doctors were wrong.
Just one pitch. One throw, and I can prove them all wrong, she thought to herself. One strike, that’s all I need. Then I can feel the excitement and joy Ryan has. Then I can have a purpose again. Caroline shifted her weight to her left foot, imagining the signal from her catcher. She rocked back, picturing where she wanted the ball to go. She took her stride toward the batter, wound her right arm up and around, and released, snapping the ball off next to her hip. The ball slammed to the ground right in front of her and skidded its way to home plate. Pain shot through her forearm and elbow, taking her breath away. She gripped her arm and went down to her knees, gasping for air…”

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Worry

The day starts in the east,
And ends in the west.
Light comes in, then leaves,
But so much happens in between.

We make mistakes,
And deal with heartaches,
Fighting fears and failures,
In what seems like every breath.

We question if we’re enough,
Doubting if we’re in the right place,
Worrying about past, and future,
Decisions and destinations.

We forget to see the victories,
Both the little and the big,
Focusing too much on the pain,
On the what if’s, the could have beens,

Missing the moments we’re in,
Speeding by the smiles or laughs,
Jumping over the joy we were
Designed to embrace.

A list has pros and cons,
A picture has lights and shadows,
A movie has a hero and a villain,
A story has conflict and resolution,

And so does life.

But the Writer of it all,
God, the Creator Himself,
Uses every mistake,
Every single heartache,

Just as much as He uses
The victories and the joy.
He sees your pain today,
As the testimony you’ll share

Tomorrow, with the soul who
Needs it most.

So don’t be afraid, little sheep.
Don’t worry about the past-
It’s forgiven. Don’t worry about the
Future- it’s secure.

Take a deep breath, and pray,
Surrendering the time between
The rise in the east, and the
Set in the west, for His glory,

For His purpose.

Caroline’s Purpose: Light Excerpt

“The cold breeze lifted her blond hair, blowing it around her cheeks, the ends sticking to her face because of her tears. Caroline pulled her royal-blue sweatshirt closer to her body, setting the hood over her head, and folding the ends of the sleeves over her hands. She leaned back onto the cold metal of the top rail of the bleachers, crossing her arms over her chest and resting her feet on the seat in front of her.
The crowd was thin, so it had been easy to find a seat alone. That was the story of her life now. Alone.
She wasn’t sure why she was here. But between the bad dreams and the loneliness, she had needed to get out of her house.
All of her finals were done. All of her grades for the semester were set. There was no homework to distract her, and no friends to occupy her time. She had made sure of that when she cut off all communication with anyone who had ever cared about her.
This particular evening, tired of staring at the walls, dreading another night of nightmares, she had gotten in her car and left. She had driven around until she saw the lights sparkling against the night sky. The lights drew her in, and she found herself in the parking lot of the ballpark she had spent endless hours at during her little league and ponytail years.”

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